


Who says Hobbits don't have balls?

by Dream_Seeker



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 21:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dream_Seeker/pseuds/Dream_Seeker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Possibly the most outlandish wtf crackpairing slash thing I have ever.... I don't even. I totally so don't even.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who says Hobbits don't have balls?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stickdonkeys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stickdonkeys/gifts).



> I'm so sorry.  
> I'm so so so sorry.   
> Fellow writer Stickdonkeys was chatting with me in a review she put on one of my tales and we got on this topic and well....  
> my muse went YES!!!!!!! Stickdonkeys, myself and our inner Frodo went OH GOD WHY? 
> 
> ican'tbelieveI'mdoingthis....

Bilbo was such a meek creature. He was set in his ways, completely used to having a time frame, everything had a place and everything was in its place. He lived a simple life though it was quite perfect for him. He was a Baggins-Took, after all, and the Shire was his home. His life was set.

Then Thorin et al came into his life and well, that perfect life got turned upside down faster than Bilbo could accept it. He still tried to keep a modicum of what he was used to but being around everyone rather kept that from happening.

For the first few months, Thorin was constantly letting the Hobbit know just how useless he was, despite Bilbo giving his all. At first the treatment made the Hobbit feel very small and useless and he'd wonder at night while the others slept WHY Gandalf would bring him into such abuse like that. 

Later the treatment would get him flustered and angry, though he'd hold it in as any good Hobbit would. 

And finally one night, little mild acting, set in his ways Bilbo Baggins snapped. 

Thorin had snarked one too many times toward him and he marched right over to where the King sat at the Campfire, chatting with Dwalin and Balin and Bilbo just glared at Thorin until the King deigned to notice him.

"Yes, Burglar?" 

"My NAME is Bilbo Baggins and I, quite HONESTLY, am tired of the way you treat me, Thorin Oakenshield. I'm NOT on this quest for my health and it's CERTAINLY no vacation to me what so ever. Half the time I wish I never met you, you... you... stubborn, hardheaded idiot!" 

Thorin's eyes widened huge, putting Kili's to shame, and he went to rise as his face turned red but Bilbo squeaked in rage, "SIT DOWN. I'm NOT done speaking to you! First off, I was more than happy at my home, my PEACEFUL home, mind you, when you all came in and disrupted EVERYTHING. So, on my good graces to both do a good deed and see the world, I chose to come with. I CHOSE, THORIN! And ever since I signed that contract, you have put down every single thing I have ever attempted to do for the good of all. YOU have centuries upon centuries - EONS FOR ALL I CARE - of knowing what to do when, how to fight, how to survive as you travel. I have had a few months. And I don't care WHAT you think, you pigheaded swine, I THINK I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BELITTLE ANYTHING I DO. A lesser Hobbit would have ran back home before the first day was over." 

Dwalin and Balin's faces both were noted down by Ori for all time to come. He'd never seen their mouths in such perfect O's of shock - though the scribe's mouth was doing the same. Thorin on the other hand was dangerously enraged and in a low voice, he growled, "Go sit down and stay out of my way, Baggins. You crossed a line NO one has ever - " 

SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Bilbo's hand connected with the Kings cheek with such surprising force that Thorin's head turned to the side. "AND FURTHERMORE," Bilbo roared - such a huge voice coming from such a small, tiny Hobbit - ''UNLESS YOU'RE SAYING SOMETHING TO SAVE MY LIFE, DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO EVER AGAIN. I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF KNOWING WHAT I NEED TO DO WHEN I NEED TO DO IT." 

With that, Bilbo stormed into the wood.

It only took Thorin a little under five seconds before he was in hot pursuit. 

 

* * *

a/n: this is just part one, kiddies. 

shit's about to go down in ways you are NOT expecting. 

:3


End file.
